Write it. Read it. Relish it. You bloody jargonette.

Being Loved

2007-12-06T07:01:00.000-08:00

Tis a nice feeling being loved
Your heart knows not of ground
Your feet they prance just all around
Your arms hold onto the one you've found

It's such elation, this being loved
Your being could be so far away
But your heart's with him and there it'll stay
For each and every single day

He soothes your soul when you're quite down
He brings a smile to that awful frown
He lays your head against his chest
And just because he knows you like that best

Tis quite a joy to feel so loved,
This is what he does to me
This love he gives is all I see
Best of all? He just let's me be me

This Love I've Never Felt

2007-10-24T17:37:00.000-07:00

A lil something I thought up in class while dead bored in a 2 hour lecture of LWCS.
Enjoy

Your warm hands envelope me
Your lips so soft and tender
A kiss I could find no better
A stroke of your hand
Cloud nine I can see, ecstasy is me

Leaning against your chest,
Security so truly strong,
Within your arms I'd stay for long
A kiss on my neck
Not too deep, just a peck
I know nothing so bliss, this truly is best

Your lovely caress makes me melt,
Falling deeper and deeper in love
I take flight like a dove
You do this to me
And it's amazing you see
I'd give it all for this love I've never felt

Finally Be Me

2007-09-28T12:50:00.000-07:00

The winds, they blow from soft whispers to gales,
The hours, they tick from seconds to days,
My will is a great one, it knows not of loss,
My strength is of rock, it stays through it all,
The seas and the oceans, so fast will they churn,
The fires of fury, so hot will they burn,
These shackles of possession, they cut my wrists
The words that are thrown, my mind, it twists
Soon come the day I breathe freely
Soon come that day, I beg for sincerely
Soon I'll be free, in the arms of my loved one
Soon I'll be free, and I'll finally be me

Never Ever Been This In Love

2007-09-26T10:12:00.000-07:00

I've never ever been this in love
It's really quite a scare
I smile when all the concrete turns to dust
I turn the truth down for a dare

The way my heart just skips a beat
To see your face is quite a treat
The way you make me feel is such
It's strange that it's my heart you've touched

The pain I feel just ebbs away
When you say just all the things you say
So far away you say my name
Yet here am I, all yours to claim

My love, I've never felt this way
With others twas just another day
To hold your hand I'd feel so lucky
To kiss your lips would be so lovely

I'd wrap my arms around your neck
And give that lovely smile a peck
I'd stroke those soft black hairs
And stare into those eyes that care

So true and strong is this love
Sent to me by Him from above,
I've really never been this in love
But I'm blessed to feel this way

It Feels So Right

2007-09-17T21:06:00.000-07:00

A/N : Well, you know who you are...

It feels so right, it looks to be bright,
You're perfect in every way,
I love the way you make me smile,
It gets me through every day

I've got this smile, a secret smile,
You let it slip, all the time!
Make me laugh, it's not that tough,
You run that dreaded extra mile

It feels so right, this smile of mine,
And it hasn't come in quite some time,
The reason only I could know,
I'm no longer ever feeling low

It seems surreal for this to be
Your heart has decided to pick just me
I often ponder if I deserve such
Answers - I can't really find much

One thing's for certain and that is true
Won't break your heart and make you blue,
We'll live for now, just you and me
And let time take us to eternity...

This Boy

2007-01-21T07:41:00.000-08:00

Just cause i felt like it. Not like i'd be able to or would be doing anything else other than writing to him.

This Boy

I stare at him from afar…

There he is.

This boy who somehow seems to me, a man.

He sees me approaching and smiles knowingly

There are secrets we share

In time of despair

We sit together

This boy, he radiates solace

He knows I'm afraid and hurt to the core

He listens well

He knows what to tell

I have shed some tears

This boy, he helped me wipe them away

He feels the pain I feel and cries my tears

He sees me shattered

To him it matters

This boy I know

I cry for him inside each day

The perfect chisel of a human being

He cares for me

It's sad to see

I pray so hard

For this man I know is true

Let him get the best

The gem of all treasures

To me he is precious

I stare from afar

Unable to hold his hand just yet…

The Advice

2006-12-05T01:30:00.000-08:00

When you start your journey,
Your head held up high,
Don't ever let go of dreams,
As they the ones that keep you alive.

Remember the journey your life will take,
Learning lessons and leaving bad memories in your wake.

Keep in mind the time may be bad, or may become slow,
But a strong resolve and determination with get you through anything life will at you throw.

These few lines of stuff I sometimes call prose are here for no particular reason,
So don't imagine, make up, or flimsy ideas of fantasy compose.
Thats the basics when it comes to starting from scratch, as in life,
Or atleast thats how I see it.

With this I have to bid ye all adieu..
Guten nacht, Dobro verche, or with a plain good night to all of you.
Good night and God bless.

One-sided Affair

2006-09-03T01:41:00.000-07:00

Looming ahead, dull and grey,
A wall – silent and here to stay,
The wall that sheltered me is now
No longer part of a solid vow
Here it is all, all for keeps,
The pain of it all, in it creeps,
Taking away what you left out there,
It pulls and plunders without a care

You try to make the first attempt,
And yet you face it’s mere contempt,
It doesn’t give back – a silly trade,
So all is gone – there’s no parade.
Now you see what I have got,
It’s fact and pain all in a dot,
It’s a wall I face who doesn’t care,
And so exists this one-sided affair.

In Your Cell

2006-08-20T23:24:00.000-07:00

I know, i know, it's been ages since I've posted. Been really busy, sorting out material and immaterial objects in my life. Finally got down to channelling some bits of it through poetry. Well here's one anyway. It basically sums up all my frustration lah...So go R&R like always people.

If everyone isn't dead already lah, that is.

***

Do you see what I want you to see?
This shattered dream of a fantasy
My hopes adrift your reverie
It's too much for even someone like me...

Can you hear what I want you to hear?
This cry of pain bellowing in your ears
Of this person, who needs you in all her fears,
And yet, you shun her despite her tears.

Will you say, my dear, what I want you to say?
So you can make my day, a fresh new day
And let me lead, fly it, in my own way
Without taking this girl and laying her down to slay

I expect you to feel, what I want you to feel
Not everything, just what's making me ill
I've been used, abused, and often until
I'm all spent, with nothing left to kill

So wake up my people, open those eyes
The ones you've kept shut, despite all my cries
Let those ears of yours hear no more lies
And say what I need, amidst all my sighs

Listen to me well, I have much to tell
The credits are mine, not yours to sell
Please let me be, I have drunk from your wells
And don't leave me here, locked in your cell.

Memoirs of a fartaholic

2006-07-28T11:35:00.000-07:00

my writing tells the story of my heart, not some copycat who just copies and farts.
so when u think im taking stories of old and adding them pages anew
come next to me, charge me, and il def fart on u!

The thoughts of a wandering soul

2006-07-28T11:08:00.000-07:00

So so sad that life is so fragile..
So so sad that trying to fight fate can be so futile..
So so sad that life has to be the way it is,
Making you fight till you have nothing left to give..

So sad that others have to grieve through the sorrow and the pain,
And how friendships lost can come back to hurt you once again.
So sad that lives cannot be filled with happiness and cheer,
Just like the way it was, last week, or was it last year…
So sad.. just really sad..

"Hallowed are the Ori"

2006-07-14T11:37:00.000-07:00

In Your Name

Can you hear me?
Can you hear the screaming?
Defiance against the muted skies,
The sums don't ask, let them be there,
Echo in against the countless lies.

There is no divide,
There is no divine,
Honour has subside,
As well as noble sacrifice,
For you to claim to be the wise.

Can you feel me?
Can you feel my breathing?
One last time before I pay my price,
This suffering, far lost in care,
Forever leading to the other side.

There I won't abide,
There I will have died,
Fall down by my pride,
Drown myself in its rising tide,
Walk no road for you as a guide.

Can you see me?
Can you see any feasting?
No reward even for him who tries,
An empty glass, a plate that's bare,
No more water from those drying vines.

This world has lied,
This world will hide,
The fountain has dried,
Follow me and be free from bribe,
The hour of reckoning has arrived.

Will you call me?
Will you answer the calling?
There's time to see before you lose your eyes,
You know the truth, walk up the stair,
Light all the fires before it dies.

The words scribed,
The words has thrived,
Now you know the ride,
From here to where the ones deprived,
I leave you now to spread this far and wide.

Of Divine Words

2006-07-01T09:48:00.000-07:00

There was a song writing competition in my college lately. Weird thing is, I don't think anybody took part - other than me. This is my Skool Song. A slightly rushed job. I heard bout it sometime in May. I sent it in 1 day before the closing date.

See You There

E D E F#
This phase I'm in/This place I've never seen
D C C A#
It breaks this skin/I let it sink right in
A D A E
I'll see you there...

E D E F#
We gather around the fire/We light our dying pyre
D C C A#
Singing full of desire/Simply to move on higher
A D A E
We'll see you there...

E D E F#
Be the best one ahead/With the books inside my head
D C C A#
Failing horror fades/Dew of winning taste
A D A D A F# B
All I find in here... See you there...

Paradise found

Arresting imaginations,
Warm breezes surrounding you,
Your perfume lends a clue,
Promised tune,
I hear through my eyes.

Attesting consolations,
Fear you won’t have to,
Far away I’ll take you,
I’ll save you.
Everything will be alright.

Your eyes look like,
Countryside after a soft rain,
Your smile, drowns the plains,
Of my domain,
Wash away the sorrows in the skies.

Secret fascinations,
Whisper a quiet tune,
Hear me calling you,
Listen true,
I’ll wait for you tonight.

Sweetest invitations,
Hold my hands in yours,
Stay awhile on my shores,
No remorse,
Take me where you want to go.

Morning conversations,
After we are through,
Yesterdays’ memory rescues you,
The shapes were,
Shadows cast in your light.

Beautiful Goddess,
I left in vintage,
Promises made and said,
The voices,
Visions, locked inside my head.

Blessed salvation,
Pray to the heathens,
Take me to the heavens,
So I can,
See you for one last time.

Dearest constellations,
Heaven all around you,
Picture you in a soft blue,
I will say,
You are my star, I am your night.

All My Life

2006-04-29T14:54:00.000-07:00

A Day in My Life
Wake up just in time, there’s nothing on my mind,
Wash my face and take a cold dive.
There’s no time to dine, guess a toast would be fine,
Got to catch the bus at seven-five.

I’m running late for class, take the path thru the grass,
Why does this place have to be so far?
Make it there at last, never ran so fast,
Maybe its time for me to get a car.

I head out after two, find my friends leaving too,
We go out to eat and waste some time.
Nothing’s left to do, they stand up and bid adieu,
I stay back to accompany a friend of mine.

Phone rings late at night, my friend calls to recite,
Everything that’s happened since last week.
I talk on and on inspite, work undone and not right,
Until there’s nothing left at all to speak.

I’ve got my love online, I thought I was doing fine,
Until I found I wasn’t going very far.
She was never mine, there’s no use to pine,
All she’s now is another song on my guitar.

Now that the day is gone, it’s the break of dawn,
I’m finally going to get some rest.
I think of all I’ve done, while accomplishing none,
But heck it’s the end of this little jest.

Now

I am a one way window,
I'm the one that watched you grow,
Blocking all of your pain.
I am a roof top shielding,
I'm the tile that is suffering,
The sun and the rain.

I am another brick in the wall,
I'm the one that will first fall,
When I'm left alone and blind.
I'm a little divided its true,
Do I stay on to rebuild or to,
Move on and leave it all behind?

Now I've learnt to live once more,
Now I won't give and give somemore,
Now I yearn to love as before,
Now I wish to wish no more.

Passions of the Future & Earthly Truths of the Now

2006-04-16T06:22:00.000-07:00

Birthday Wish

Blow all of them candles out,
Make one wish but not out aloud,
For the treasures that we had found,
From when we were new and unbound.

Now that we are old and worn,
A little ripped and little torn,
One day we will be reborn,
One day I'll meet you once more.

The Here & the Now

Can you free what's keeping you?
Well, I need somebody for me too,
One moment forever, I want to remain,
Want to remember, wanted the same.

You're a beautiful prisoner trapped
On land, promising to be forever kept,
With the voices and the pictures inside
My head singing the songs that we like.

A simple song of truths, dying to be heard,
Containing all the secrets, all the free words,
That we exchanged gathered around the fire,
A choir of sounds that inspire and seeks to admire.

Its music as much as its intended players,
Come break this spell, I ask in my prayers,
I'm dying to meet you here, the living among,
Or see you in heaven, where you truly belong.

The untitled Legacy

2006-04-12T09:18:00.000-07:00

Funeral Scene

Priest:
We are gathered here, brothers and sisters...
to celebrate the life of *gesture towards screen*
He passed away after a long struggle with sickness
and leaves behind a wife and two young children.
We offer our condolences
and pray for his soul
that his sins be erased
and his soul rest in peace
*sigh and shake head*

Doctor:
He was another one of my patients
another one that died from AIDS
HIV is one of the biggest social, economic and health challenges in the world.
It is a global emergency claiming over 8,000 lives every day.
In fact 5 people die of AIDS every minute.
A person infected with HIV does not have AIDS
until the virus seriously damages their immune system,
making them vulnerable to a range of infections,
some of which can lead to death.
if you have to have sex, then use condoms
but The best way to stop HIV is to practice abstinence

Social Worker:
He was a friend of mine
I tried my best
but there's only that much that i can do
there are only four ways you can become HIV positive,
which is through blood, semen, vaginal secretions and breast milk.
But you cannot get HIV by shaking hands,
sharing cutlery, using the same cup, giving a hug
and being a friend...
You'll be amazed at how people behave towards HIV sufferers
HIV sufferers are just like u and i, just that they're sick
HIV and AIDS don't affect just those who have the virus,
but also affects the friends and families too.
We need to offer our support wherever we can

Wife:
He was my husband.
How could he?
How could he do this to us?
He said he loved me, loved our kids
Instead he was loving every other woman in sight
Is it so bad that i think that it serves him right?
He deserved to die!
For putting me through this hell
and shame
I can see the looks on their faces
I know what they're thinking
at least i can ignore the pitying looks
but i can't ignore the way they treat my kids
The other parents don't want their kids to play with mine
And worse of all, i don't even know whether he passed the virus to me
How am i going to deal with this?
How? HOW?
Its *point to screen* all HIS FAULT!

The other woman:
*hides face in shame*
He was my lover.
At least i thought he was.
I didn't know he had a wife and kids.
I feel terrible for ruining their family.
I see her kids running around over there.
Oh God, what have i done...
I deserve this disease that he passed on to me
I deserve it!
*touches stomach*
Now i can only hope and pray that our child is safe...
i can only hope...

The victim:
There's my darling wife and my beautiful children
There's my doctor
There's my pastor
There's the social worker who tried her best to cheer me up during the last days of my life
There's that woman i spent a few nights with...
Is that me?
I caused all this pain
ME
I didnt think of what would happen
I didnt consider the consequences
I just thought of myself, my own pleasures
And now i leave a legacy
not of good fortune, good living and a good name
but disease, embarrassment and shame
I wish i could erase all that happened
but its too late
And all my loved ones will suffer for what i did

Wrap up:
We tried to think up a humourous sketch to catch your attention
but we couldnt
Because HIV and AIDS is a serious thing

Priest: It's a sin
Doctor: Don't become another statistic
Social Worker: Abstinence is the best protection
Wife: Think of your family, your kids...
The other woman: If you're gonna have sex, practice safe sex
Victim: Because death is the only cure to this disease.

Shadow

2006-04-05T23:38:00.000-07:00

Scribbled during Bio lecture today.

Oh look, it's you, my confidant,
Your dark demeanor that's oh-so potent,
Appearing in these dark grim lanes,
Where only one light keeps me sane.

It's a long narrow passage, a dark fight
But there's this one light, that keeps it bright.
Along you come, glued to my feet
In this huge mess, it's a good treat.

The darkness calls but you stay true,
My steps go on and yours do too,
Together down this lane we walk,
It's understood, there's no need for talk.

Staying close and always there,
To me you promised, yes you sweared.
My every move was yours to do,
It was something I held on to.

But hey! Who switched off the light?
You know, that one that keeps it bright?
And I can't see a thing, this darkness calls,
And I think I just might fall.

So there's no light and just this lane,
I'll ignore this ringing pain,
I could if I would, had I not lost you
My shadow's gone and left me blue.

Halcyon Days

2006-04-04T05:13:00.000-07:00

Hello... *waves* So I've finally kicked myself hard enough to post here. Thanks, Ash :) . So, this story was written years ago and it was one of my first few pieces. Or something like that, I might've written more but there were probably so bad I've mentally blocked them out. *grins* Well, on with the show.

Halcyon Days

By: Joanna Van

*********************

I glance at the clock while its hands mechanically move as if mocking me. The dark night seems to blanket not only the starless skies, but on me as well. Slowly, my hand reaches out to feel the warm bed sheets that I've known so well for so long. Its soft yet worn fabric gives me momentary comfort. I sigh and bite my lip. I've made my choice and it's the only way for any of us.

*********************

He sleeps in his crib as I gently rock it to comfort him. Small and fragile he is, never knowing the turmoil. The screams have stopped vibrating through the walls of our one storey house. Father has been gambling again and mother howls and curses at him about his debt. Her weeps are futile as he’s a man whose only generosity comes from sharing his misfortunes with us. But he doesn't care. He never does.

*********************

Standing up, I run my fingers through my hair and straighten my clothing. The rain outside begins to subside. I snort as I realise how the diminishing rain seems to be in sync with my feelings. Emotions within me ebb away to a state of numbness, almost non-existent. Tying my ebony hair into a ponytail, I stretch out for him and then swathe him in a soft blue blanket watching him sleep with his eyes firmly shut.

*********************

Mother's body is racked with sobs and as I search her tear stained face, I realize why she was in such a state. She wraps her arms around my 18-year old body. I cry with her but she comforts me instead, telling me to be strong, to live for him. He needs me. Still, her voice is laced with uncertainty as father has abandoned us and leaving nothing but the burden of his debts.

*********************

Tiny sprinkles of drizzle fall on me. ‘Is God blessing us?’ I wonder. The dark streets are empty, nothing but our sorrowful shadows dancing on the gravel road. He stirs in my arms as the cold rain bothers him, but he does not wake. There is no need for him to. Strands of my wet hair whip my face as the wind blows, making my way to happiness.

*********************

She left us, like father did, mother left us. How could she? What right did she have to take her own life? A picture of death so fresh in my mind; her body cold and limp in my arms. How could she!? She dares tell me to live yet defies her own! She left me with him. I'm terrified of the future, terrified that this young thing will grow to hate me or worse- hate his mother.

*********************

I stop on the dewy grass lawn. Lights within the urban house are still lit. They always stay up late. I know this because I have been watching them, making sure they were perfect. The perfect family with the perfect life. So unlike mine; filled with nothing but mistakes that I could only wish to undo. As I make my way to the wooden door, I lock my eyes upon him. "Be brave," I whisper. I take a deep breath, gently lay him at the foot of the front door and ring the bell. Hesitantly I move, and hide.

*********************

They came again. They came to harass for money I don't have. They can't find father. I'm his only family, he'll come back to see me they say. I sneer at that very thought. They can shout, curse or threaten all they want and as much as I can possibly care about. He rather let his daughter and this unwanted baby rot to death.

*********************

Just as if God planned, he awakes and cries insistently for his mother. But she is no more. Finally the door swings opens as the couple surveys around before realizing the wailing baby. The wife cradles him in her arms as the husbands picks up the letter I left for him to read. They both look out again searching, but will never find anyone. I cry as the door closes. From my hiding place, I can see their kind faces slip behind the door. They'll treat him well. I know it. Finally I break down as I won't see him ever again. Never see my son.

*********************

My mind is void of thoughts and feelings. Only one thing remains in my mind. The only solution to solve the problem. His father and my father are so much alike. They run away from their problems to solve it. And I never want to see them again.

*********************

The feeling of emptiness once more fills the pit of my stomach as I stand by the road. Rain returns again, heavier and heavier, causing the cars that passed by to blur from my sight. My wet hair plastered to my tear and rain stained face. As I step out, I look at the stars as if seeking forgiveness. I take the final step.

It comes.

The loud horn blares to warn me of the trucks fast and unstoppable approach. But I have no intention of saving myself, only every intention of ending it.

The horn again - brakes screeching.

Too late.

Better days...

2006-04-03T12:27:00.000-07:00

Yeah. Well, here's the poem.

Better Days.

I watch bits of my life go awry
But I fight back, I don’t damn well cry,
Although there’s this empty chasm, a gaping hole
And I’ve lost all my grips to hold…

I tried, as best as I could, to salvage
With defeated efforts and dying courage
And now all that’s left is this darkness
This burning inferno of blackness

I hung my hopes upon your picture
I saw no other plausible nature
Now there’s nothing left, just take it all
And throw it away so I can fall

Rain on my parade, it happens all the time
Kill what’s left, come on, it ain’t a crime
Take this world I hold in my hands
And bury it deep within desert sands

Tear this heart to tiny smithereens
Come plunge your knife of words deep
Twist the knife and make me weep
The heart that once was yours to keep…

Come my tears, fall across my face
Take your time, a slow steady pace
Let this hurt contained fly away
Let me find some better days

Let me see what there is beyond
Apart from this now broken bond
Can I trust the promise of another?
When you’ve said the same and done the other?

Love me whole and love me true
If not, please don’t say that you do
And if not please let me fly away
Fly away to better days…

Something different

2006-03-31T10:54:00.000-08:00

It's not poetry. It's not a story. It's not even mine :P

Song lyrics.

But why am I putting em up?

Just because they made me cry while listening to the song. Here it is.

Butterfly - Mariah Carey

When you love someone so deeply
That they become your life
It's easy to succumb to overwhelming fears inside
Blindly, I imagined I could
Keep you under glass
Now I understand, to hold you
I must open up my hands
And watch you rise

Spread your wings and prepare to fly
For you have become a butterfly
Oh, fly abandonedly into the sun
If you should return to me
We truly were meant to be
So spread your wings and fly
Butterfly

I have learned that beauty
Has to flourish in the light
Wild horses run unbridled
Or their spirit dies
You've given me the courage
To be all that I can
And I truly feel your heart will
Lead you back to me
When you're ready to land

Spread your wings and prepare to fly
For you have become a butterfly
Oh, fly abandonedly into the sun
If you should return to me
We truly were meant to be
So spread your wings and fly
Butterfly

I can't pretend these tears
Aren't over flowing steadily
I can't prevent this hurt from
Almost overtaking me
But I will stand and say goodbye
For you'll never be mine
Until you know the way it feels to fly

Spread your wings and prepare to fly
For you have become a butterfly
Oh, fly abandonedly into the sun
If you should return to me
We truly were meant to be
So spread your wings and fly
Butterfly

Spread your wings and prepare to fly
For you have become a butterfly
Oh, fly abandonedly into the sun
If you should return to me
We truly were meant to be
So spread your wings and fly
Butterfly

So flutter through the sky
Butterfly, fly
Spread your wings and fly
Butterfly

Skies Above & Waters Below

2006-03-27T11:21:00.000-08:00

This is about the friend of a friend. Go figure. I challenge you.

Skies Reflected

I want to say some words,
About a friend of mine,
Its just a few words,
That I want to rhyme.

He needs a quiet room,
With the lock to keep him in,
Its just a quiet room,
That's where he's been.

He plays an old guitar,
With a coin found by the phone,
Its just his old guitar,
And he plays it alone.

He's never been in love,
But he knows just what love is,
He says ''nevermind'',
And no one speaks.

He thinks he works too much,
Cause when he tells his two best friends,
"I think I work too much",
They say it would be his end.

This one is FOR a friend of mine

My Siren

Shame on you, seducing everyone,
I've seen you, the diamond in the rough,
You don't have to trouble yourself telling me,
I know where you've been, where you'll be.

Will you do, the things you've always done?
Tell the truth, you can't get enough,
Of seeing them being enthralled by,
The one look which allows them to fly.

I think you know the one, the one you love,
The one that lets me and them see stuff,
That make up things like that as the sea,
Its colour and shapes and the beauties we see.

If you accept surrender from none,
I won't give up somemore or anyone,
But if you demand surrender from me,
I would fall into your watery tomb freely.

Time to Leave

2006-03-25T14:28:00.000-08:00

a very long & tiresome affair.

Time to Leave

I don't want to say goodbye, to move the things
That I have placed inside, so deep it won't do
If I am your angel, paint me with black wings
I'll have no other that take me away from you.

But the world is a tomb to me, a graveyard
Of broken statues, and each of those statues
Resemble your face, seeming to move unmoved
Unchanged, but merely of different shade of hues.

I am as if a newborn, newly attached
Weeping at the beauty of the cold dark night
I'm a spirit of immortal flesh, detached
Unchangeble and empty, no longer bright.

The world changes, we did not, there lies the truth
That finally killed us, and I thought of all
The things I had done, and could never undo
And I longed for the moment of peace to call.

Merciful Death, how you love your precious guilt?
Who will care for me, my dark love, when you're gone?
What died in that room was not what we had built
What died is the last breath in me that was wrong.

I give you the chance to decide as now, as then
To leave or to stay, to traverse all the way through
Bear me no ill will sweet love, we are now even
Because I show my pain, I do not of necessity love you

Friends

2006-03-24T23:08:00.000-08:00

For all who stood and are standing by me during this difficult time. I truly appreciate your friendship and I thank you all from the very bottom of my heart that I will remember this for as long as I live.

10 feet under

I’m 10 feet under
Trying to make my stand
With feelings torn asunder
Til’ you take my hand

You knew I cried
When I masked it all
You sensed I tried
When the ache came to call

And there you were
With all the right words
With your worry and fear
So right for all the hurt

How could you be
Someone who kept me grounded
How could you see?
What left me astounded?

I pledge my faith in you
For all you’ve ever done
To you I’ll stay true
In rain and scorching sun

The words of wisdom
That escaped your lips
In this blessed kingdom
Full of friendships

I pledge my faith in you
For all you’ve ever done
To you I’ll stay true
In rain and scorching sun

Thank you, my beloved friends...

Just the sorta thing for now

2006-03-24T23:03:00.000-08:00

Yeap. More poetry.

It was all a lie

It’s deep
This blow of shattered dreams
The scar you left in words
The unspeakable wound

I choke
On the emotions you twist
This feeling of betrayal
When I gave all I had

I chose
To open up for once
To let my guard down
To actually feel you…

This hurt
That used to go away
When you appeared in front of me
Still clutches and squeezes

The anguish
When reality calls alerting
Jerking me back to this life
Away from what I had seen

Ill-abuse
Expectations of solid care
Of extreme dependability
I see them now, outta my window

Taking chunks of me along
Taking my beliefs of love
Taking what I know
As each day passes

Only letting me see
That the truth was there all along
It wasn’t meant to be
It was all a lie

I WISH I COULD SAY I DONT CARE

2006-03-24T19:46:00.000-08:00

hey ppl...... how are you doin??? sowwie for not writtin in a long time...... ok here is another poem i wrote for a special girl..........she means alot to me.. infact she means the world to me.....she is such a darling....here it is....

I wish I could say I don't care,
but I do .
I love you even more than you ever knew .
I wish I could cry but I can't,
so I won't ,
I'm so deeply in love with you .

So please don'thurt me ,
or hate me ,
don't break me ,
forsake me ,
don't make me walk away from all we could be .

I wish it weren't true ,
but it is even more ,
since I've faced the fear of losing you before ,
when it's all said and done ,
there's just one thing more ,
nothing really doesn't matter anymore ,
except to remain madly in love with you .

well there you have it..... i will b back wif more poems....friendship, brothers, sisters, love, and normal everydya life......

Ah yes

2006-03-18T07:12:00.000-08:00

Another one, Those ceramahs took 2 hours by the way. For each of em.

Torn and left asunder,
A blast as loud as thunder
A hurt that goes too deep
The nights leave me no sleep.

Your waves, they come to plunder
And wreak manic disaster
My emotions wangled up
At the end and at the start

Be gone you dreadful storm!
This ain’t the usual norm
Make it elsewhere, your rain
Just leave me without pain

And let it shine again
Without anymore strain
Let the darkness go
Please let it be so

So go.

Yeah. Go figure.

Camp. A good place for more jargon.

2006-03-18T07:05:00.000-08:00

Needless to say, no prizes for guessing what I was doing during the boring ceramahs at leadership camp.

Hey. At least I TRIED to look as if I was taking notes. Writing jargon is pretty much the same. I mean, do I REALLY need to learn how to write a frigging proposal when they already give ya the examples?

Flicker.

Flicker, flicker your soulful eyes
Across the room you will
Instead of crying woeful sighs
Just flicker time to kill

Flicker, flicker your tender gaze,
Stare away my subtle friend,
I know so well, this trying phase
It’ll take a while to end.

Flicker, flicker, I see you now
Those bright and shining eyes
You have a way, you don’t know how
But I know you wanna try

Just give me time to work this out
I’ve got plenty loose ends
So before you fish for tasty trout
Be this, be just my friend.

This is what the leaders of tomorrow do during their free time.

They write jargon.

Blending The Colours

2006-02-24T06:36:00.000-08:00

Something I wrote when I was 15, I fink. It's quite old, very kiddish, erm, quite stupid. A short story based on a true incident that happened to me and my cousin sisters.

But then again, that makes it jargon. So here it is.

It may be sensitive to yall and what not, but what's true is true and I think we should all know that as sensitive as it is, it happens. And when it does, it hurts. So learn from it and well, semangat muhibbah everyone.

Plus, it happens to emphasize on a cause I'm all against. Discrimination. It's weak and cowardly.

Malaysia boleh I tell you...bleh...

I always liked to play with colours. Sea-blue and indigo were in particular my favourites. Colours have such a unique way of adding disposition, animation, spunk, indifference, disbelief, self-pity, devastation, and distress. You can tell a story from a sea of colours. This is mine.

I live in a rainbow. Or at least, I’d like to think of it that way. The rainbow in my picture, I mean. The picture I’m trying to draw now. But there are only three main colours here. Honey, Yellow and Brown. Quite harmonious wouldn’t you say, the way it looks? Wrong.

My rainbow is a nice place. It has lots of different chatter and so many interesting accents. You see flat funny noses, tanned skin, and curly curls. I call it the texture of my rainbow. It adds some life into it. Pretty, huh? Wrong again.

Oh, wait. I have to take my sisters to the pool. You see, I’ve been daydreaming again and we are in fact in front of a pool in my uncle’s club. My kid sisters want to take a dip and me, being the eldest, has to get in as well for supervision purposes only. I can’t swim. But I’m a natural float so I guess I’ll eventually figure something out. Sorry, story delayed. Would you like to follow me in? It’s only waist deep.

Oh hang on, my sisters are saying something. What? Those Malay kids won’t let you both into the pool? Why? Ah, you’re both Indian. Yes, I know that. I am too. What’s your point? Oh…you can’t go into the pool because you’re Indian. Did they say that? Ignore them Lavi, ignore that kid Dhivi. I don’t see a sign saying ‘No Indians Allowed’.

Ah, it’s so cooling in here isn’t it? Something about pools just soothes one’s inner self. You don’t feel it? Oh well, it IS 34 degrees Celsius. Good, I can look like Beyonce. Gorgeous cocoa bean tan. What did you say, Dhivi? That Malay girl’s making rude signs at you? Tell her to go to hell, love. We’ll just paddle and ignore that sack of potatoes in a swimming suit. Haha, you’re right. She looks more like a BUSHEL of potatoes. You think you’d be able to float with her as your buoy? I have absolutely no doubt. Hahaha, a bushel of potatoes! Good one, Lavi.

You were saying? Yes, ok, I think I’ll continue with my story. You see, the rainbow- now what?!

Oh, her mother wants to speak to me? Yes Aunty- OUCH! You DON’T have to shove me! What the- *splash!* - What’s wrong with you, woman?? No, I did not call YOU a sack of potatoes. Just your daughter! Why?? Well, she told MY cousins that they could NOT come into the pool because they were INDIANS! You know how damn cheesed off I was? No, I’M NOT THEIR MOTHER, their sister. S-I-S-T-E-R. Ok, I look 40 but I’m 15!

What the- look Lady, I didn’t call you a sack of potatoes. JUST YOUR FRIGGING DAUGHTER. Why?? Because she told my sisters to- YES, MY SISTERS! She told them to get out of the pool- No, I didn’t tell them to call your angelic daughter that. I had no say, I just agreed- OUCH!

Lady, this is going too far. I came here with my friend and sisters for a nice cool time at the pool and now I get you shoving your face right in front of me-is that a fist? What?! Oh… So now you’re saying that I’ve got no bloody manners?? Now see here…I wasn’t the one who started this. Your daughter- YES, I AM JOLLY WELL IMPLYING SHE’S HAD A BAD UPBRINGING! God damn you woman, would you just shut your yap?

Oh, so you’re calling your husband to fight your battles for you. Ah, go ahead. There you go, run like a clucking hen, complaining, complaining, and complaining. Come on, I won’t move from this pool. And my sisters –YES MR HUSBAND, THEY’RE MY SISTERS! They won’t budge either. Come on Dhivi, come on Lavi, we’re going to paddle. Paddle, paddle, paddle.

What did you just say, Mr Husband?

Go back to my bloody country??

Did I get that right? Did you hear that?

Where? Oh…Back to India. And what about Mr Ah Beng over there? Ah, China. And you, Mr Husband? And Mrs Wife? And that creature you call your kid? How about Mrs Krishna over there? Oh, India as well??

Ah, here’s Uncle Grish. He’s got something to tell you both, all right. You tell him to go back to Indon! Yeah, DID YOU HEAR ME? Indon…that’s where you people came from…We’ll all go home then. One by one. I’ll take all my sisters to India. They have swimming pools there. Big ones. Bigger than these…

So sorry to keep you waiting…I had to dry off after that. That was an invigorating swim wasn’t it? Now, where was I? Ah yes…that rainbow.

I don’t know if it’s those crappy pencils I’m using. Maybe if I tried water paints? Nah, I think I need help with that. Argh, I can’t do this alone! Could you help me with this picture, friend?

These stupid colours won’t blend. They just won’t.

Of Starlight & Moon Beams

2006-02-24T04:25:00.000-08:00

2 more. By the way, dudes, dudettes, come on, gimme some meat to chew on.

Starlight

Let me fall apart,
Crippled in your arms,
Lost in the blacks of your eyes,
Chase me through the night skies.

First to reach the stars,
Mends a broken heart,
One that long ago broke apart,
Scratched and shattered from the start.

Are you there, sweet Constellations?
Do you see me?
Are you there, I don't
Feel you no more.

I will be the guard,
Of all our sweet pasts,
Hope to rest upon a tattered dream,
Your sunshine to my moon beam,

Break a will so strong,
Pray, that doesn't belong,
Until wills are completely gone,
Nothing left even to be mourned.

Are you there, misty stars?
Do you hear me?
Are you there, I won't
Miss you no more.

What if?

I can hear that voice of yours,
Keeps me up at night,
Help me search the words,
That eat me up inside.

Its my turn to hear the noise,
So lonely it reins me tight,
Trophies earned like unwanted toys,
But they are lessons to be learned.

We could pave new roads,
All we need is some tar and some time,
To stay on and hear the ghosts,
Or to go alone I cannot decide.

What if I do know you?
But what if I don't?
I would lose everything
Just to find you won't.

End & Away

2006-02-22T05:48:00.000-08:00

I kinda have 5 more poems here, so I'll rattle of 2 of 'em.

End

I don't know why, I never told you,
And I don't know why, I never tried,
When we shed these, bitter tears again,
All of its reasons, would have dried.

I don't know why, you never asked me,
And I don't know why, you never cared,
When we hide these, silent screams again,
All of its reasons, would be spared.

Away

Is that space you call mine?
Locked enslaved, in the edges of your mind,
I've been waiting for this to unfold,
The pieces are only as good as the whole.

Is that place no longer mine?
What was mine is now failed & declined,
What if I never saw you again?
I'd die right next to you in the end.

Is that face you now pine?
Razor cut, sweet and divine,
I'll put away my blunt new toy,
Or I'll just cut deep enough to cry.

I've severed myself from my whole life,
I cut the only thing that was ever right,
I won't let you walk away,
Without hearing what I have to say.

Yo

2006-02-19T00:13:00.000-08:00

Well, it's been a while. Been pretty bogged down with stuff going on. I have five newsletter articles to finish in 2 WEEKS, a biology test to study for and some other crap *ie family trifles* and some good nerdifying to do. My chem results were like crap and all the other smart alecs there just make me look bad.

Well, enough on the nerdified bit that's me. Here's a lil something I wrote today. Inspired by a lil incident that's either playing tricks with my brain or is a hint that's telling me to back off.

Coming away

I feel it now, I feel the push
Come closer to me, to the wound
Rub the salt in, go on, rub it deep,
Tear the flesh of this cut so true

I see the gap, it goes way down
Those words you said, they stung me true
That offhanded tone you now use
It’s so far from what used to be

So gone are the frills of flighty days
The time has come for a new change
My words have cut, oh yes it’s true
My efforts gone, my feelings torn.

There was a time when I felt the love
When I was all that you wanted
And now, just a fly on the windscreen
That hangs on for mere life

Waiting patiently for your call
Waiting for you to ask
Waiting for you find out
Waiting for you to care?

It seems like too much now
When it used to be nothing before
The emotions are overwhelming
But they were before too

So do I wait patiently for reformation
Like the mindless idiots all girls are?
When all my life has been poured out
Emptied of the very essence that’s me

I’m coming away
Away from this repeating pain
From the future I have seen
To a new page

I’m coming away
Not yours to stay
Charting my own way
Having my own say..

I’m coming away.

Shiny Blunt Instrument

2006-02-17T08:33:00.000-08:00

This is a third poem from me - guess i'm on a writing spree. Funny thing, I don't see more poems, so i fill up the awkward silence. Just to keep the record, I didn't really name the previous two, so now, I'm namin' them:

1. Sound of a Cut
2. Another One

& this third one, i guess i'm callin' it Shiny Blunt Instrument. If you can think of a better name, let me know, will ya?

Wake up, its time,
You need a better place to hide.
Make up, your mind,
I need to know, to know tonight.
Sweet and divine,
Razor of mine,
Give me a sign,
Razor blade shine.

Patience, my dear,
We could spend a lifetime waiting here.
Maybe its time,
I hope I get a chance to say goobye.
Day after day,
Crawling away,
I see you stray,
But anyway.

Too late, its gone,
I waited till the break of dawn.
Still you, looked away,
Nothing I could do to make you stay.
Try but in vain,
Choose to win pain,
Try and try again,
But cut again.

Another One

2006-02-15T11:25:00.000-08:00

I have a lot o' free time, & a lot of ideas, so, a 2nd poem. Hope u like it, Ash.

Is there a blessing in disguise?
I can't see from these tired eyes,
I'm losing sleep, please come to me tonight.

Everything that we have survived,
Tells me that we will be alright,
I'm just glad, that we will leave alive.

I've got no vision - I've been blind,
Searching everywhere hoping to find,
You're right here, I see you in my eyes.

Maybe I've been rushing time,
We should try to be more kind,
I will not, I'm not saying goodbyes.

Cause I've got my hands on a miracle,
Believe it or not, its a miracle,
Ain't no way, it'll be taken away.

....

2006-02-08T07:20:00.000-08:00

Hate Valentine's too. It's just too over-rated. I mean cmon, who pays 35 bucks for chocolates? Gimme cadbury anyday. And this comes from a hopeless romantic.

Imported cadbury. Not timed-out Time-out.

Any mushy poetry for Valentines? *grins wickedly* Cmon you lot, I know some of you can't resist going through mush. Everyone's got a mushy spot..............Eeeeeveryoneeeeee...muahahahaha....

Particularly you, Wonderboy. *snorts*

The Alternative Calendar - February

2006-02-08T05:56:00.000-08:00

Don't you ever get fed up by the usual hallmark celebrations? You know, the ones they create just to commercialise them by making the consumer guilty for not celebrating a non-existent day? Like Teacher's Day or Valentine's.

Speakin' of Valentine's, my Literature lecturer said that its actually celebrated by secret admirers. Is it true? If it is the case, then Phew! we can all stop buying all those over-priced flowers & chocolates & leave the celebration to the secret admirers who will buy their gifts secretly & admire them.

So, for all those non-conformists who somehow manage to dress the same (?), I propose to you the alternative calendar:

FEBRUARY
13th - Dream Your Sweet Day
16th - Do a Grouch a Favour a Day
22nd - Be Humble Day

So, go crazy, I tell yah!

repost

2006-02-07T23:48:00.000-08:00

Since it was rotting away a few posts ago, it needs a repost. And although written on the spur, it's something that is really affecting me now. Well, one of the dozens of idiotic things that can affect Ash anyway. Enjoy.

This was written for someone who doesn't see anything. Or rather, just what's in front of him.

Why can't you see?

Sightless eyes scan my reverie
A biased mind judges me
Why don’t you see?
That it hurts?

Why don’t you see?
That each step I take
Each thought I think
Is to make you happy?

Why can’t you listen?
To the words that are mine
With relent in your eyes
Without your pesky cries

Why won’t you say?
That it’s time for me to fly
To see me for myself
To never mould my depth

Why won’t you see?
That you limit me
With invisible barnacles
Chained to your expectations

Why won’t you try?
To let me work it out
To let me fall way down
And hurt my way to truth?

Why haven’t I got?
The reverence that is mine
The one I’ve earned
The one I’d die for?

And why do these questions
Mean nothing to you
The oppressor of sorts
A restraint of mine

A bully who is subtle but sure
A livewire I dare not touch
Why can’t you see?
You’re pushing me away

By controlling me
By thinking for me
By seeing for me
By listening for me

A bully who is subtle but sure

You just don’t see that, do you?

Hey, I ain't that free

2006-02-06T11:58:00.000-08:00

Last time I mused who comes up with words like 'blog' & ... well, only that one word actually. I still haven't located him (or her) yet but I now know its short for 'weblog', u know, like 'captain's log'. Okay... useless information aside I'll leave u all a poem I wrote 10 minutes ago. Be a sport & suggest a title.

Alone I hear the words, my ear it hurts, cut by a razor,

Chills cut deep my veins, I try in vain, to release the pressure,

Frail, my skin goes pale, as I have failed, from every measure,
It aches in every bone, I'll die alone, but not for pleasure.

The storm has cast its shroud, with lightning clouds, striking meadows,
I see my heart explode, it's been eroded by the weather,
Clip the wings of those, that fly with foes, in the shadows,
Now I hear the sounds, my blood it pounds, at its leisure.

MY BROTHER(POEM)

2006-02-03T22:27:00.000-08:00

The very first poem i wrote....... and it was for an english assignment...... for more of my poems...... you can visit me at
http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=suthie_the_poet

You said you hated me,
We fought and yelled
For years and years in our lil’ lives,
We told our friends that
We didn’t know each other.

I still remember when,
You chased me and I fell
But you didn’t pick me up,
Instead you sat on me,
And then CRACK!!!!
I broke my finger coz of,
YOU!!!

You said you hate me,
But I knew you loved me,
Deep deep down in you,
Because you stood up for me,
When I was in trouble.

I never got the chance,
To say I loved you,
now, is it too late???
You are gone,
Overseas.

found it found it!

2006-02-02T23:23:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine said he only tends to write poetry that evolve around friendship and love. Well, I guess those are the important things going on for him in life.

So what were the important things in MY life?

Well, at a very nerdified point in my life, I sat down after a long week of exams after exams and wrote a poem about my spm trial exams.

That's just peachy ennit?

But it made me laugh. So here goes.

I screwed my trial exam,
And got into a jam.
Malay got me a B,
Thank god there were no Cs.

Chem lived below eighty,
I wrote for a ninety,
Physics was just as bad,
Bio did make me sad.

Moral just passed the test,
Accounts wasn't it's best,
EST gave me a shock,
And did nothing but mock,

Additional Maths inched up,
And yet it wasn't top,
Maths slapped my face,
It was a total disgrace

English was just as good,
Yet, I wasn't in the mood,
Others came quite close,
As though they meant to impose.

Sejarah soared up high
For once, I did not cry
No rewrites for me
Happy happy me.

My target is quite high,
I have one final try,
My shots were quite amiss,
Ignorance isn't bliss.

So here I go again,
Despite the rain and pain,
I have one final try
Before I sit and cry

Lol, R&R people. :P :P

aha

2006-02-02T22:24:00.000-08:00

To those who joined.

You are only deemed a contributor on the list if you, well, contribute :P

Ehehe...but wait la, I'm waiting for Erin's graphics to start editting here and there,. SO be patient.

But that doesn't mean you gotta put your creativity on hold. So for those who are idling time away - yes, I mean you, Wonderboy - and are not suffering from any form of writer's block, please post. Before I do.

You won't like me when I post.

*snorts*

Testing... testing.... is this thing on?

2006-02-02T07:04:00.000-08:00

I CANNOT get the hang of technology. Finally. I'm blogging on a blog(Who comes up with these words?). Well, thanx, Ash for inviting me to join on this thingy. To write stuff I rarely discuss with other people. What a concept. I'm not gonna say anything else today; the candy shop is CLOSED. I'm just takin it out for a test drive, kicking its tires, feeling the transmission, you know, the usual.

Push-off

2006-02-01T09:53:00.000-08:00

Alright. Since nobody's here just yet, I thought I'd go ahead and make the first post.

Wanted to put up some my older bits of jargon. But I can't find my pen-drive *shudders* and I do hope I find it soon for most of my jargon is there and practically none on the pc for security reasons.

I just don't want family to get their icky fingers on it :P

So here's somethin I just came up with. Nothing spectacular, more of a whiny rant thanks to something that happened today. Well, I did what I do best. I ranted via poetry. Tada. *bows*

*snorts*

Why can't you see?

Sightless eyes scan my reverie
A biased mind judges me
Why don’t you see?
That it hurts?

Why don’t you see?
That each step I take
Each thought I think
Is to make you happy?

Why won’t you try?
To let me work it out
To let me fall way down
And hurt my way to truth?

Why haven’t I got?
The reverence that is mine
The one I’ve earned
The one I’d die for?

And why do these questions
Mean nothing to you
The oppressor of sorts
A restraint of mine

A bully who is subtle but sure
A livewire I dare not touch
Why can’t you see?
You’re pushing me away

By controlling me
By thinking for me
By seeing for me
By listening for me

A bully who is subtle but sure

You just don’t see that, do you?

As in all writing, all crit is welcome. R&R people.

point 1

2006-01-30T09:55:00.000-08:00

Write it. Read it. Relish it. Scribbles be the place for jargon-writers. You write it, you post it and we crit it. Naturally, you take it. So if you can’t handle it, back off.

But you luck out. Cause every writer needs a reader. And the stories we write need to be told.

We have a power we underestimate. The ability to manipulate with words. We empower the greatest minds and influence the highest thoughts.

We are elitists.

So post away, you bloody jargonette.